Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter

Stars: 2 Stars

Rated: R

Studios:   Bazeleys Company, Tim Burton Productions,
Dune Entertainment and 20th Century Fox

Director:  Timur Bekmanbetov

Starring:  Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Marton Csokas

Length: 105 Min

A man walks into a bar and says to a young man who is downing a massive amount of alcohol, "A man only gets this drunk when he is either going to kiss a girl or kill a man." No this is not the beginning of a joke but the apparent quintessential pick up line for  Obi-Wan like vampire hunter mentors when trying to coax potential monster slaying prodigies. In many ways, this one line sums up the moderately entertaining film of Russian director Timur Bekmanbetov who is also the director of the comic book action adaption flop "Wanted." It hints at something more and possibly very interesting but never really takes you anywhere new or exciting. I really wanted to love this film being that I am an avid lover of history and vampire slaying; but, I find that even though the film is entertaining and even a bit interesting at times it never truly seems to get off the ground. In many ways Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter almost seems like two distinctly different films. First off it is a Dan Brown like take on history portraying an unknown aspect of the already iconic story of President Abraham Lincoln; second, it is an anime type action film filled with jaw dropping physics defying adrenalin filled action sequences that seem almost ridiculous at times. The story feels almost cut and then pasted together as if the writers did not know exactly what type of film they wanted to make; a serious retelling of a historic icon, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer with historical characters. I really wish the people in charge of this film had made up their mind and picked which type of film they wanted to make; because if they had, this could have been a great film.

The story starts out with a bang showing young Abe and his parents as they stand up against a slaver who is beating a young black boy. Abe's father works for the slaver and is fired for his insolence. He owes the man a lot of money and the man wants the debt repaid immediately. He refuses and the man tells him that there are many ways you can collect a debt hinting at something ominous. The slaver is of course a vampire and he kills Abe's mother in front of him leaving him scared for life. When he grows up he decides he is going to find the man and kill him. Young Abe tries but fails since the object of his vengeance is an immortal blood sucking fiend who can only be slain by something silver. The man who talked to him in the bar rescues him and takes the beaten up Abe back to his place. The man, of course, is a vampire hunter and in about a 5 minute conversation he has convinced young Lincoln to join in the vampire hunting fun. This part of the film is entertaining and interesting as young Lincoln goes from novice, to his first kill, to being one of the premiere hunters in his area. He works in a shop by day, and studies to be a lawyer and kills vampires at night. He meets Marry Todd who would someday become his wife and life seems grand. This is where the story gets fractured. He gets married decides to go into politics because he wants to end slavery which has flourished thanks to the vampires who are Southern plantation owners who use the slaves as a constant supply of food. He puts up his trusty silver tipped axe and then all of sudden he is the president of the United States, and the vampires of course, are not to thrilled about this. To sum it all up, it all comes to a head at the battle of Gettysburg where the vampires have sided with the confederates trying to end Lincoln’s war on slavery. Of course young Abe dons his axe once again and...well I’ll let you find out the rest. That is if you care to pay the ten dollars to see this film.

This film is not without merit however, and their are a few interesting elements such as the fact that God will not allow vampires to kill their own kind so only the living can kill the dead. What I wanted to see was history being told from the perspective of some hidden war with Abe Lincoln and the vampires; but what I got, however, was a constant tease like the girls I used to fall for when I was a kid from a story that made me feel their could be something more but was really leading me on. (I feel so used!)  I was entertained though so the film did serve its basic purpose. Is it a piece of cinematic genius? No of course not its title is "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter!" I mean seriously! This film is a basic genre film that's target audience is teenagers and anime fans or people who have read the book. Overall, it is a decent film that could have been a great film if it had been done a little better. The effects were adequate but nothing special and the 3D is passé so don't spend the extra 3 dollars unless you really want to waste your money. It is entertaining so if you have 2 hours on a Saturday morning and 6 bucks to blow go see it in a matinee. If not, just wait for the red box since just about any film is worth a shot for a dollar. Well, any film that is except Mission to Mars, or battlefield Earth for that matter. Sadly, I saw both films in the theaters....alone. 

This film is rated R for strong scenes of violence and strong language.